Part 4
Both men looked at her as if she'd flipped.
"Lady, this is a pub. We have soups, sandwiches, stews and chili. Now what do you want?"
Blair answered for both of them, "Two bowls of chili and two coffees."
"Oh, I really wanted that Lobster....I haven't had it in over 45 years. Damn!"
Outside the window, a bolt of lightening lit the sky and thunder rumbled. Bodile looked up.
"Oops, sorry Big Guy. My error. Forgiven?"
The lights in the pub flicked off, then back on.
"Thank you Sir."
Blair just stared, mouth open.
"So, what do you think about my granting your wish?"
Blair blinked a couple of times and then, "I must have been born, I'm here aren't I?"
"Well, of course you're here, couldn't do this otherwise. But you're not *really* here and you don't *really* exist because....you've never been born. Feel your lip, Blair."
Blair did as he was told.
No cut. No bruise. Nothing. He nervously checked his pockets, looking for Jim's keys. No keys. In fact, there was nothing in his pockets, no change, no pic comb, no odds and ends, no swiss army knife. Nothing. Empty. Suddenly he couldn't sit there another moment. He rose and literally ran from the pub.
The snow. Where was the snow? And the street. It was different. Instead of a park on one side and the school on this side.....there was an empty lot and this pub. He jerked when a hand landed on his shoulder. It was Bodile.
"Okay, I haven't been born. I accept that. No loss, no big deal. But why is the street different? That makes no sense."
"Blair, surely you realize that every life lived has an impact on the earthly world. Every * Life * Lived. If one life is removed, as if it never existed, the world is forever changed. Naturally some people's absence would illicit greater changes than others."
"But why would a street change just because
*I'd* never been born? I mean that's ludicrous."
Before Bodile could answer, Blair suddenly turned tail and ran. All she could do was follow.
Blair ran until he came to the street where he'd left the truck. He was relieved to see this area unchanged. Except....frightened, he looked around, to his left, his right....behind him. Where? He put his hand up to his head. Jim's truck. It was gone. Blair *knew* this was the house. Although.....no, it "was" the house, just different? More run down? The fence. Intact! But where was Jim's truck?
"Blair, honey? Are you okay?"
Blair whirled to face the angel.
"Jim's truck! Where is Jim's truck?"
"Blair, if you've never been born than you couldn't have taken someone's vehicle, could you?"
"I....I...noooo, but?"
"No Blair. No truck. No accident. See?"
"I need to go home. Now." And he began to walk.
Eventually he was able to hail a cab. They both climbed in and Blair
told the driver to take them to 852 Prospect.
"Sorry buddy, but Prospect only goes to the 700 block."
"Look, just drive. I live there, I know my own address."
"Okay, maybe I'm wrong."
Twenty minutes later he proved he wasn't. Prospect indeed ended at the 700 block.
Blair turned worried eyes to Bodile.
"How is this possible? Why would an entire block of a street be gone just because I wasn't born?"
Bodile took his hand and held tight.
"Honey, much of Cascade is different. Whole blocks have changed or gone, buildings, landmarks, parks.....gone."
"No. Not possible....not because of one person. I can't accept that. I remember Naomi telling me......," Blair stopped as he thought of his mother.
"Naomi. My mother. Where is she? If she didn't have me, who did she have?"
"Naomi had no children Blair. And because she had no child she continued her drug use and she died of an overdose at eighteen."
"You're lying! Naomi is....was....she would never, never....please, tell me you're lying?"
"An angel can't lie. You were the reason she cleaned herself up, changed her life. But without you? She had no reason to change."
Blair wiped a hand across his face. He wanted to cry. Needed to cry. Couldn't cry. He needed something. Something familiar. Something he could hold onto. *Someone* he could hold onto.
"The Police Station. I have to go to the police station."
Blair leaned forward and instructed the cabbie to take him to the Cascade Police Department.
Fifteen minutes later Blair was trying to pay off a very angry cab driver. But of course, he had no money. He looked at Bodile who just shrugged.
"Okay, look, just wait here a moment, I have friends inside, I'll get the money from them."
"Look kid, this has been fun, but if you think I'm gonna let you.....".
At that moment Blair spotted Rafe.
"Wait! There's one of my friends now, hold on."
Blair bounded over to Rafe.
"Rafe. Thank god you're here. Look can I borrow five bucks? I seem to have....lost my wallet. You know I'm good for it."
"I don't know who you think you are kid, but trying to scam a police officer is not a good idea."
"Rafe, it's me, Blair? Jim's partner? Come on, man, no jokes."
Look, I don't know you from Adam, now pay the nice man or.....".
"I don't believe this.....look," but before he could finish the cab took off!
"I guess your lady friend took care of the bill. Now if you'll excuse me?"
That was when Blair noticed the uniform. Rafe was wearing a uniform.
"Wait. Can I ask you something?"
"What?"
"Do you know....a Taggert? A Joel Taggert?"
"I didn't know him personally, but yeah, I knew of him."
Blair looked intently at the officer.
"You *didn't* know him?"
"No. Captain Taggert died before I graduated from the academy."
"He died? Oh, My God. How?"
"He killed himself. Two years ago."
"No-o-o-o-o."
Blair felt his knees give way and only Bodile's strong arm kept him upright.
"I take it you knew Captain Taggert?"
Numb with shock, Blair could only nod.
"Sorry I had to be the one to give you the news." With that, Rafe began to move off.
"Wait! There's someone else....Do you know a Captain Simon Banks?"
Rafe frowned, "Wait, yeah, he used to head up Major Crimes. He retired back in....'96, I think. I remember now, his son died, right here at headquarters...there was a siege. Several people died, his son among them. He broke down, couldn't handle it. Started drinking real heavy...Finally took enforced retirement."
Blair was shocked. Daryl dead? Simon retired?
Drinking? And Joel, a suicide? None of this was possible. Not these people. He was so intent on his thoughts he didn't notice Rafe leaving.
"Blair?" Bodile gently took Blair into her arms.
"How is this possible? Bodile, what happened?
Why would Joel kill himself?"
"He lost his nerve. Couldn't function after the siege, watching Daryl die. The others. He couldn't do his job....and there was no Blair to help him through it. And no Jim and Blair to stop Kincaid. Or Veronica Serris either. She's the reason for the Cascade you've seen tonight. She destroyed one third of the city before they brought her down. And Garret Kincaid was successful in getting his men. And he killed six officers and Daryl in the process. Jim wasn't there to stop any of it. Because you weren't there."
"Jim," Blair whispered. "Jim. Why couldn't he stop them, why wasn't he there? This is Jim Ellison we're talking about. A great detective, a good man, a Sentinel for God's sake!"
"A Sentinel with no guide. His guide was never born."
Blair stood there shaking his head in denial.
"No. No. Not possible. There would have been someone else, someone else to help him....he didn't need me. Just someone."
"Not someone, not anyone. You. He needed you. Only one guide. One shaman. You. But you were never born.
The dread began to creep over him. He was afraid. Afraid to ask. But he had to.
"Where is he Bodile? Tell me he isn't dead. Jim can't be dead. Please Bodile....where is he?"
"Why must you know? Why is it so important to you? Isn't it enough to know he isn't a sentinel now?"
"No. I need....more. To know more. To see him. Is he okay? Happy? Married?"
"Why?" Bodile prodded.
Blair lowered his head. Then raised it up to her, his eyes bright with unshed tears, "I love him, Bodile. I love him. You can't know. You can't know all that he is, all that he's accomplished. How he uses his senses, the courage it took....he could have denied them, his life would have been so much easier....but not him, not James Ellison. Do you have any idea how hard life is for him? Just the daily living for a Sentinel? The sounds? Lights? Materials, colognes, detergents, soaps, food, flavors? The things that could happen to him? How much more susceptible he is to pain? To the effects of illness?"
"So how *does* he handle all those things?"
"He just does. He just....does."
"How Blair?"
"I....help him. A little."
"A little? Only a little? If you helped anyone only a little would Naomi be dead now? Joel? Daryl? Simon in forced retirement? You were Naomi's strength. Jim's anchor. Joel, Daryl and Simon's friend. You touched all of them Blair. And without you.....".
"Where is he?"
"Take my hand Blair." When he did, she added,
"We're not traveling by conventional means so close your eyes."
A moment later:
"You can open them now."
Blair did as instructed. They were standing in front of Englewood Hospital.
"He's on the eighth floor."
"That's the.....";
"The Psychiatric ward. Yes. He's been there since March of 1996. Do you still want to see him?"
"Yes."
"Fine. Hold on."
<<<<><><<<><><<
The room was cold. Only one lamp offered any light, any comfort. In the corner, Blair could see a man, in a wheelchair. The man was hunched over, head hanging listlessly, hands laying still on his legs. Blair walked over and knelt down in front of the chair.
"Jim? It's me. Blair. Can you hear me?"
There was no response. He must be in a major zone. That was the only explanation. Could it last this long? And Jim remain alive? Or had the senses, the inability to control them, send him over the edge? This was his fault.
"Jim, please, look at me." The man didn't even blink. I've got to get him out of here. I can bring him out of this zone, but not here. "Jim, I'm taking you out of here. We're going home."
Blair knew he could not help Jim here in this room, he had to get him out. He looked around and saw a blue robe on the edge of the bed. He grabbed it and began to wrap it around the older man.
"It's okay, Jim, I'm gonna get you out of here. You'll be fine, I promise."
As soon as the robe was tucked in, Blair got behind the chair and pushed toward the door. He positioned himself and the chair to maneuver the door open, peeked out and was assured that no one was around to stop him.
He quickly pushed Jim out into the hall.
He saw security doors just ahead and inwardly moaned. And there was an orderly just approaching on the other side. Which gave Blair an idea.
And where was an angel when you needed her anyway?
Blair pulled himself and the chair into the corner next to the doors and then he ducked down below the windows. The orderly inserted a card, punched in some numbers and the doors wooshed inward. Blair grabbed the door nearest him while at the same time kicking out at the orderly. The man went back against the wall and this gave Blair time to push Jim through the doors. And the race was on. Blair pushed down the hall towards a set of elevators as the orderly behind him righted himself and hit an alarm then took chase.
As Blair neared the elevators they opened and out poured several security officers. The orderly was coming up fast behind him and security officers in front. And a nurse was calling the police. Blair banked sharply to his left and headed down another corridor, silently willing Bodile to appear. Going around another corner, Blair ran smack into two security guards. One of them grabbed Jim's chair and a brief struggle ensued. Brief because the orderly had come up behind Sandburg and now wrapped his arms around the shorter man and yanked him away from the chair.