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Author-Lorelie
Titles
Try Not to Be Afraid
by Lorelie
Summary: Companion/Sequel to Kryptonite. What happened to Blair in the jungle. Rated G.
Disclaimer: The Sentinel and its characters are the property of Pet Fly Productions.
Try not to be afraid
So many things can happen
But nothing's ever quite as bad
As it might appear
I'll give you all I got
You know I can protect you
And try and stop you shedding
Even one more single tear
Shelter from the storm
Refuge from the world outside
Safety from the dangers
Escape from all the disappointments
That time has passed
Healing of the wounds
The vanishing of nightmares
An end to endless tortured night
Untroubled sleep at last
This is the vow I've made
I'll see it all come true now
And all you have to do for me
Try not to be afraid
I swear I'll be with you
This promise that I made you
You will always be with me
Think of everything you've got
Try not to be afraid
Try not to be afraid.
Andrew Lloyd Webber and Jim Steinman, "Whistle Down the Wind
*************************
Consciousness returns to me slowly, as it has every other time I've awakened since returning to the world of the living in this small hospital.
Looking over, I see my best friend sprawled out in what looks to be a very uncomfortable position in a chair near my bedside. Another constant that I've come to depend upon since first awakening from my fevered dreams.
Although I don't totally understand why, I knew, or at least hoped, that he was coming for me. I knew that Eli would have called him, and that my life depended on him coming to Belize. And somehow, I knew that it would be okay once he got here.
God knows the days before he had arrived had certainly not gone well.
When I got the first message from Professor Stoddard, I made up my mind that no matter what he had to say, the last thing I was going to do was leave Jim. I mean after everything that had happened, we'd finally worked things out. Okay, not to what was probably the best end, but things were smoothed out, and I had agreed to join the police force. Granted, that was not something that I had really ever imagined myself doing, but then again, five years ago, I hadn't imagined that I would actually find a full-fledged Sentinel. Still there was just a little something nagging at me. A few self doubts about whether I could pull the whole thing off, being a cop, being Jim's partner, trying to help him with his senses.
When I called Eli back though, he said all the right things. About how he didn't believe I was a fraud, that whatever I'd done, I'd done for a reason, and that was good enough for him. I felt good hearing that from someone who had mentored me, whom I respected. Most of my former colleagues had 'thrown me under a bus' so to speak.
Still, I had initially declined his invitation to join the expedition in Belize, even though I really didn't have much else to do until classes started at the police academy.
Then, Eli dropped the bombshell. His group had found some artifacts with some writing on them. Inscriptions alluding to a pair, the watchman and the pathfinder. He felt sure that these must have come from somewhere near their camp. As soon as I heard what they had transcribed, I knew that I had to get down there. We'd already found one temple of the Sentinel, maybe there was more. Maybe I'd be able to find something else to help both Jim and I work through his senses.
Of course when I told Jim that I was going, he totally overreacted, but then, that didn't really surprise me. Jim Ellison doesn't like anything to happen that he can't control. I'd long ago figured that out.
But this was a chance to get more information on Sentinels, why couldn't he see that? Anyway, he was pretty pissed off at me when I left.
I called him to tell him that I'd made it to Belize okay, and that I'd be back in few weeks. Gotta tell you, that was a pretty strained conversation. But knowing Jim like I do, I figured he get over it, and everything would be fine when I got back to Cascade.
Of course I never figured that I'd have a life altering experience while in South America.
I joined the expedition and got a look at the artifacts that had been found. I also had a chance to speak with some of the natives and became convinced that there was more to be found. They told stories of legends of a great temple in the jungle, one that spoke of two men, one who watched over the tribe, and the one who led him. The older ones among them swore that they had seen this temple in their travels, but it had been many years since they had been through that part of the jungle.
I convinced Eli that I had to try to find it. I know at first he was skeptical, but the professor is not a stupid man. He had read the excerpt that had been printed of my dissertation. He had figured out exactly what I was hiding and why. He also knew how important it was that I find these ruins, if they still existed.
He agreed, and along with two of his expert guides, I set out. We had gathered as much information as possible of the possible whereabouts of the temple. Looking back on it now, I know it was a stupid thing to do. Any first year archeology student knows not to go off on their own searching for something that may or may not exist. But see, this wasn't just something. This was, in essence, part of my life I was searching for.
Things went downhill pretty fast. I've spent my share of time in the jungle, but the heat was overwhelming. A day out, we lost our water supply, we began drinking the water we found, using purification tablets. Two days out, my companions decided to turn back. A smart move, actually, but by then, I had felt some sort of connection to the jungle, as if something was pulling me forward. I sent them on their way, and continued on.
On the fourth day, I began to feel feverish. I wasn't sure what it was from perhaps just the heat of the jungle, or maybe from the water. But by that time I didn't care. I was close, very close to my destination.
The morning of the fifth day; I broke through the jungle to a clearing, and found the most wondrous sight I had have ever seen. A temple, similar in size to the one Alex Barnes had found was standing in front of me. In my fevered state, at first I thought I was hallucinating. But I approached it, and touched it. The cold, smooth stone under my hands told me it was real.
I must have collapsed right then and there, because when I opened my eyes, it was dark, the only light coming from the full moon above. My head was pounding, and I barely had the strength to sit up. Suddenly, the foolishness of what I had done hit me. Here I was, in the middle of the South American jungle, alone and sick as a dog. No one knew where I was, and there was no way that anyone would be able to find me. Ever since I had started on this little Sentinel trip with Jim, no matter when I got in trouble, I always held onto the hope that somehow, Jim would get there in time to help. But Jim was in Washington State, USA. Stewing over the fact that I had come down here in the first place. Jim couldn't save me this time.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him, and again felt I was hallucinating. Incacha stood there, along with another shaman, dressed in Native American garb.
"Enquiri cannot save you, you must save yourself." Incacha intoned.
Whoa, this had to have something to do with my fever. Incacha was Jim's spirit guide, not mine.
As if reading my mind, the other man spoke as he approached me. "You are right, Incacha is not your guide, young Blair, I am. My name is Grey Ghost. And I have come to lead you to your rightful destiny."
Before I could say a word, the man reached down and helped me up, leading me into the temple.
I leaned on him, my own strength spent. He helped me sit down on a small carved seat inside. Even in my illness, I couldn't help but be amazed at what I saw inside.
"You have seen the Temple of The Sentinel, Blair. Now it is time you visited the Temple of the Guide."
I gave him a quizzical look. "Temple of the Guide? But nothing I've ever read said anything about such a place."
Grey Ghost gave a small smile. "That may be so, but it is as important as any other temple. You see my son, a Sentinel cannot be a Sentinel until he finds his Guide."
"What?" I ask, not sure I've understood what the Shaman is saying.
"You are Guide, Pathfinder to Jim Ellison's Sentinel."
"No," I protest, "that's not true. Jim's had his abilities since he was child. And they reemerged when he was with Inchacha in Peru. If anything, Inchacha is Jim's guide."
The old man places a hand on my shoulder. "No Blair, you are Jim's guide. You know what I'm saying is true. His senses were driving him crazy until you arrived. You brought him sanity. Your Sentinel, is not a true one unless you are with him. You are Jim's Guide, as important to the relationship as he is."
Moving away from me he turned and waved his arms around him. "Look at this room Blair, at the carvings, the inscriptions. There are thousands of years of history here, waiting for you. Listen, and it will tell you the story of the Sentinel and Guide, Watchman and Pathfinder. One cannot exist without the other. It is time that you both realized it."
I could feel the aura of the room overtaking me. The message that Grey Ghost was sending was overwhelming, but yet, it seemed right, it was as if suddenly everything that had happened in the past four years made sense. As if my entire life made sense. I could feel myself loosing consciousness again, but this time I was not afraid. I knew my true destiny. I could only hope that my Sentinel realized it as well.
They called it a miracle that a search party found my unconscious body a few days later, especially since the two people I'd left camp with had been found dead. I'm sure that both Incacha and Grey Ghost had something to do with it.
I was rushed back to the hospital, but eventually slipped into a coma. There was little hope held out for me. But I was oblivious to it all, waiting to see if my Sentinel would pass the final test.
Of all the things I learned in that temple, the most important was that not only can a Sentinel not exist without his Guide, but neither can a Guide exist without his Sentinel. I had to know that Jim not only forgave me for coming to Belize, for deserting him, as he saw it, but accepted as his equal, someone who meant as much to him as he did to me.
Now, three days after coming out of the coma, and finding my Sentinel by my side. I know that that is the case. Jim realizes that we are intertwined, two parts of the a whole person.
I haven't had much strength to talk about what happened in the jungle, but I know that I will tell him everything when I'm stronger. And I have a feeling that there are things he needs to tell me too.
All I know now is that both of us are at peace with our decisions, and that we are no longer afraid.
Finis